It Came to Pass

It came to pass... it did not come to stay. My time in clarion is up.
Wow, I had a melt down this week. I was trying so hard to be strong in clarion because everyone around me was freaking out and crying over graduation. When I got home I crash landed. I had a meltdown. I couldn't cry when everyone else was crying. I couldn't be sad, I had to be strong. I love clarion and its contents so much. I had to be strong to help everyone else be strong. I don't know how to not be strong when everything is going crazy around me. Its like a instinct or a reaction. Its just how I work. If there is someone stronger that I know can handle it, I allow myself to break, but with everyone breaking, even strong male figures in my life, I had to be strong. I don't want people to be sad that I left. This is not the end. There will always be a next time, there is never a final goodbye. Plus I promised many of you I would stay in touch and visit and you are all always welcome in my home anytime.
Talking to Faith, Kristi and Holly helped me realize it’s not so bad in the 'real world', not as terrifying as I sometimes dream it up to be. I am not where I thought I would be 10 years ago; not surprising. This is the first time in my life that I don’t know what is up ahead; what the next step is going to be. I don’t know what to expect. That is what makes this an adventure. I need to stop being so analytical and just live life. sometimes I can think myself into a craze.

Pray, thats what I need to do, so goodnight... I am off to do some heavy praying.
God, what is it you want me to do with this life you granted me? What is your plan for this intimidated little girl? Please lead me to where it is you want me, guide me in Your will NOT mine. Take all of me.
I love you Jesus, all I want is all You want for this undeserving soul.