God is so faithful. I met some awesome on fire Christian women today. I can't wait to get back from China to hang out with them some more... but i will enjoy my trip. God is def. pointing me where I need to go. I am so excited, I finally feel direction!
Does anyone actually read this blog?
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Can I be Jesus to the World
The battle field.... in the front lines. That's where Jesus was. He went to those who were judged for not following him, for do things against His word. 'Sinners' they are called in the bible, but aren't we all sinners? Is it possible that I could be Jesus to them? Jesus had His disciples, core group of friends and prayer warriors. They thought He was crazy sometimes, but He went to the 'sinners' house. He ate and drank with them. Now, maybe He could not be touch or dragged down b/c He is God. So that makes it a bit more dangerous for me, but I want to take Jesus to these people in a way that will help them see the truth, His love and His wrath. Can I be Jesus to the world? OR is it just a silly dream of mine? Can I show you He is real and He loves you? Do you care at all?
Still trying to figure out where I belong in this crazy mixed up world. Where should I go when I get back from China? God I need your guidance, more than ever.
I leave tomorrow! Really this is the very last one... I love you!
Still trying to figure out where I belong in this crazy mixed up world. Where should I go when I get back from China? God I need your guidance, more than ever.
I leave tomorrow! Really this is the very last one... I love you!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Off to China
I wrote quite a few blogs this week. Don't read them all at one time. Space tehm out because i won't be back to write new ones til mid-August, make them last. And make some comments, give me something to read when I ge tback from you the viewer, because I do hope you all have a great summer and I would like to hear how its going.
Have a great summer. See you in August!
P.S. Joel- I finally figured out how to insert a picture!!! Is there any way i can make it bigger???
I love you guys!
Have a great summer. See you in August!
P.S. Joel- I finally figured out how to insert a picture!!! Is there any way i can make it bigger???
I love you guys!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Speak to me Lord
I went to youth group tonight. I go to hang out with the kids and get ready for divin in this fall. I want to be a leader of some sort for the young people. I want to pass my passion on to the next generation. I want to show them Jesus. I want to show them who they were meant to be. There is so much I want for the younger generation, there is so much i want for older generations.
My fears start to get to me as I sit and watch the teens talking, playing, hanging out.
"You're too passionate... you'll scare them way."
"You'll nevcer fit in here, no one thinks the way you do, no one will understand you."
"You were an odd ball in high school and you're an odd ball now. Don't even try to change things they are already set here. They don't need you. They never did."
These lies and more fill my head and disolve my outgoing side. I sit and talk to those i know, even somewhat vaguely. I wish i have courage, I wish i had strength. I feel like the people there do not see me as a woman who has changed and grown and desires for the world to know Christ, but as a young teen striving to fit in. Part of it would be my fault. I havn't given them reason to believe I have changed. They don't know me, they never have. They don't care to know me... is this true or are these more lies... it is hard for me to tell now... how am i supposed to know.
I think when i return from China I will do as Brandon suggested. I will try other churchs. Althought I am not sure where to start. I currently drive 30 min to church. I can go anywahere in that size radius. Hm... Jess wanted to look for a new church,maybe this is something we can do together, or maybe we shouldn't. This is a BIG prayer request. I will be praying about it from now, til i return from china. Brandon did have a point. If there is a need in another church that i can fill, then I should. I go to a pretty large church now and there are plenty of volenteers. Other churches are not as lucky. I will pray about what to do. That's all i can do now.
Lord,
You are amazing. Only you know the future. Only You know where it is I am needed, where it is You want me to be this fall. I pray that you will guide me to the church, the job, and any other activities you want for me this fall. Lord, I can not thank you enough for the blessings you have poured out into my life. All I want is all you want for me. Show me where to go, where to start.
I love you sweet Jesus
My fears start to get to me as I sit and watch the teens talking, playing, hanging out.
"You're too passionate... you'll scare them way."
"You'll nevcer fit in here, no one thinks the way you do, no one will understand you."
"You were an odd ball in high school and you're an odd ball now. Don't even try to change things they are already set here. They don't need you. They never did."
These lies and more fill my head and disolve my outgoing side. I sit and talk to those i know, even somewhat vaguely. I wish i have courage, I wish i had strength. I feel like the people there do not see me as a woman who has changed and grown and desires for the world to know Christ, but as a young teen striving to fit in. Part of it would be my fault. I havn't given them reason to believe I have changed. They don't know me, they never have. They don't care to know me... is this true or are these more lies... it is hard for me to tell now... how am i supposed to know.
I think when i return from China I will do as Brandon suggested. I will try other churchs. Althought I am not sure where to start. I currently drive 30 min to church. I can go anywahere in that size radius. Hm... Jess wanted to look for a new church,maybe this is something we can do together, or maybe we shouldn't. This is a BIG prayer request. I will be praying about it from now, til i return from china. Brandon did have a point. If there is a need in another church that i can fill, then I should. I go to a pretty large church now and there are plenty of volenteers. Other churches are not as lucky. I will pray about what to do. That's all i can do now.
Lord,
You are amazing. Only you know the future. Only You know where it is I am needed, where it is You want me to be this fall. I pray that you will guide me to the church, the job, and any other activities you want for me this fall. Lord, I can not thank you enough for the blessings you have poured out into my life. All I want is all you want for me. Show me where to go, where to start.
I love you sweet Jesus
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
1 Corinthians 13
i have been reading through 1 Corinthians and i've been thinking a lot about the truth in this book as i read through it and then tonight i come upon 1 Corinthians 13. One of my favorite passages. Love is the greatest gift.
1 If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth[a] but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[b] but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.
4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[c] and special knowledge will all disappear. 9Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! 10But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.
11It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[d] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.
13There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.
we talked on Monday night at bible study about love. Love is a verb, as DCTalk so nicely put it. Your actions reveal your heart, your beliefs. The old saying is true, 'Actions speak louder than words.' What are your actions saying about you?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Helping You To Die by DNA
Make believing you believe in what you're living for
You can see I don't believe believing is for sure
And I'll take it to the death tie
Almost make it sound like
You gotta be dead because your gonna die
You gotta give up, you gotta be seen
Make your life speak a word to the mainstream
And as this man bleeds tangent cries, I will help him die
I will be there when you end your life
This is suicide, so say goodbye
And I will be there when you realize
This is how you die, you've gotta give your life away
And I will help you die
Struggling with the love of living, loving living lies
I will help you raise your arm to, wave and say goodbye
And life becomes a forte even at a young age
And we're taught to be caught by every word they say
You gotta give up, you gotta be seen
Make your life speak a word to the main stream
And as this man bleeds tangent cries, I will help him die
this song makes me smile!
What does this song mean to you???
You can see I don't believe believing is for sure
And I'll take it to the death tie
Almost make it sound like
You gotta be dead because your gonna die
You gotta give up, you gotta be seen
Make your life speak a word to the mainstream
And as this man bleeds tangent cries, I will help him die
I will be there when you end your life
This is suicide, so say goodbye
And I will be there when you realize
This is how you die, you've gotta give your life away
And I will help you die
Struggling with the love of living, loving living lies
I will help you raise your arm to, wave and say goodbye
And life becomes a forte even at a young age
And we're taught to be caught by every word they say
You gotta give up, you gotta be seen
Make your life speak a word to the main stream
And as this man bleeds tangent cries, I will help him die
this song makes me smile!
What does this song mean to you???
Think outside the box
I was talking to a good friend of mine about the fact that it is too easy for worldly thoughts, actions, values, etc. to creep into a soul to regain consciousness and regain power over the reigns of christian life. I can't help asking WHY? Why is it so easy? Is it because our devotion is divided between God, work, job, career, friends, kids, boyfriend, husband, sports, vacations, missions what ever you enjoy in life? Do we all have a Martha complex(Luke 10) Do we tend to get caught up in the details of our jobs, friends, kids, boyfriend, husband, sports, ministry, etc. rather than knowing the fine line between working for Jesus and just being still and listening to Him. Do we spend time in His presence just being still and knowing HE IS GOD (Psalms 46:10)? I am guilty of it, planning my life, hanging with my friends, doing whatever I want, because it's my life... isn't it? See that's where I'm wrong. This life I lead isn't mine. I gave it over to Christ the day I asked for forgiveness for and salvation from my sins. This is HIS life. And i have the nerve to waste it on things of the world. All i want is all He wants for me. To walk with Him, to know Him and His will for me. I want to be with Him ever second of every day.
I went to a wedding yesterday and i was talking to Kristi about marriage and how I don't think I will ever get married. Now I have thought this for a while, but it is only recently that I have become comfortable with the idea. I have been praying about it a lot and the Lord lead me to 1 Corinthians and in chapter 7 this is what it reads:
29Now let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short, so husbands should not let marriage be their major concern. 30Happiness or sadness or wealth should not keep anyone from doing God's work. 31Those in frequent contact with the things of the world should make good use of them without becoming attached to them, for this world and all it contains will pass away. 32In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. 33But a married man can't do that so well. He has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be more devoted to the Lord in body and in spirit, while the married woman must be concerned about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.
I am not saying no one should get married (1 Cor. 7:28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin). I am saying that is so much a part of our society that most people don't think twice about it. They go through the motions of life without stopping to think if this is how life is meant to be. In the words of Switchfoot "We were meant to live for so much more"
The more i fall in love with Jesus the more I fall out of love with the idea of worldly romance. I recommend to all Christian women... NO ALL WOMEN reading this entry to read a book called Captivating by Stasi and John Eldredge. John Eldredge is the man who wrote Wild At Heart. Which i hear is a wonderful book for Men...hint hint. anyway, captivating is a life changing book that helped me to better understand my role as a woman, why God created us and what our purpose is... what my purpose is. Maybe someday it will be His will for me to get married and have a family, but not now. His will is directing me away from that right now. Only time will tell.
I hope this entry can help those of you who struggle with thoughts like this as i obviously do. If you want to talk email me. I would love to hear your heart and share what Christ is teaching me.
joy_joy_bean@yahoo.com (those are underscores between the words)
I went to a wedding yesterday and i was talking to Kristi about marriage and how I don't think I will ever get married. Now I have thought this for a while, but it is only recently that I have become comfortable with the idea. I have been praying about it a lot and the Lord lead me to 1 Corinthians and in chapter 7 this is what it reads:
29Now let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short, so husbands should not let marriage be their major concern. 30Happiness or sadness or wealth should not keep anyone from doing God's work. 31Those in frequent contact with the things of the world should make good use of them without becoming attached to them, for this world and all it contains will pass away. 32In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. 33But a married man can't do that so well. He has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be more devoted to the Lord in body and in spirit, while the married woman must be concerned about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.
I am not saying no one should get married (1 Cor. 7:28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin). I am saying that is so much a part of our society that most people don't think twice about it. They go through the motions of life without stopping to think if this is how life is meant to be. In the words of Switchfoot "We were meant to live for so much more"
The more i fall in love with Jesus the more I fall out of love with the idea of worldly romance. I recommend to all Christian women... NO ALL WOMEN reading this entry to read a book called Captivating by Stasi and John Eldredge. John Eldredge is the man who wrote Wild At Heart. Which i hear is a wonderful book for Men...hint hint. anyway, captivating is a life changing book that helped me to better understand my role as a woman, why God created us and what our purpose is... what my purpose is. Maybe someday it will be His will for me to get married and have a family, but not now. His will is directing me away from that right now. Only time will tell.
I hope this entry can help those of you who struggle with thoughts like this as i obviously do. If you want to talk email me. I would love to hear your heart and share what Christ is teaching me.
joy_joy_bean@yahoo.com (those are underscores between the words)
Got me thinkin
God is so good to me. We spent 2 day on the road together. It was fun. I was all over western PA yesterday. Today I was in clarion mostly. It was kind of sad to be there with no one there and the facts hitting me hard 'I graduated' I feel a connection with that place, is that weird? no one was there, but it still felt like home to me. Yes weird that no one was there, but still. I don't know...
I was thinking a few wks ago about some of my friends. Individual people. I was thinking of how we all have struggles very unique to who we are. It breaks my heart when I hear one of them say they are worthless. It is when you are at your lowest that Christ can come in and use you to His fullest. Some of my friends break my heart because they do not think they are loveable. It makes my stomache hurt, because I love them. They are very special to me, each and every last one of them. Someone told me a few days ago that He is FINALLY learning to accept love... I can not tell you how happy I was for that him. He is one of my closest and dearest friends and I love him so much. And He knows and accepts it and that is the greatest gift he could have ever given me. He may never know how much that means to me. Each one of my friends has brought beauty into my life, each one has taught me something crucial about myself, God, life and/or love. None of them could be exchanged or erased. They each make their own mark on others whether its long or short term relationship, deep or surface relationship.
At the first base ball game I went to tis summer I looked out over the crowd of a packed stadium and I thought 'Its no wonder people can feel insignificant in numbers like these with no guidance or direction. Everyone fending for themselves.'
Everyone wants to live in their own house and not be bothered by neighbors. They can do what they want behind closed doors and not be convicted because no one knows, no one sees. It is amazing how many people do not know thier neighbors.
I think thats why i liked college so much, everyone was right there. I could talk to people when I was stuggling, encourage and build up my friends when needed, hold eachother accountable, challenge eachother to grow and deepen our walks with our Lord.
I'll never have that again. It's sad, i offer to you who are still in school, soak it up, every minute. Enjoy the time you have while you have it because it goes fast.
Wow its late, very... g'night.
God is so good.
I was thinking a few wks ago about some of my friends. Individual people. I was thinking of how we all have struggles very unique to who we are. It breaks my heart when I hear one of them say they are worthless. It is when you are at your lowest that Christ can come in and use you to His fullest. Some of my friends break my heart because they do not think they are loveable. It makes my stomache hurt, because I love them. They are very special to me, each and every last one of them. Someone told me a few days ago that He is FINALLY learning to accept love... I can not tell you how happy I was for that him. He is one of my closest and dearest friends and I love him so much. And He knows and accepts it and that is the greatest gift he could have ever given me. He may never know how much that means to me. Each one of my friends has brought beauty into my life, each one has taught me something crucial about myself, God, life and/or love. None of them could be exchanged or erased. They each make their own mark on others whether its long or short term relationship, deep or surface relationship.
At the first base ball game I went to tis summer I looked out over the crowd of a packed stadium and I thought 'Its no wonder people can feel insignificant in numbers like these with no guidance or direction. Everyone fending for themselves.'
Everyone wants to live in their own house and not be bothered by neighbors. They can do what they want behind closed doors and not be convicted because no one knows, no one sees. It is amazing how many people do not know thier neighbors.
I think thats why i liked college so much, everyone was right there. I could talk to people when I was stuggling, encourage and build up my friends when needed, hold eachother accountable, challenge eachother to grow and deepen our walks with our Lord.
I'll never have that again. It's sad, i offer to you who are still in school, soak it up, every minute. Enjoy the time you have while you have it because it goes fast.
Wow its late, very... g'night.
God is so good.