So it has been a few months since I have written. And i am pretty scattered so i am not claiming to make any sense. But i miss writing so here we go...
The job has moved to Cranberry and I am looking for an apt. up this way. Hopefully I’ll have one by the end of may. Lizzy passed away April 12th and it hurts. This is the first time my heart has ever been broken. I feel like someone tore my heart out, ripped it to pieces, threw it on the floor and stomped all over it.
I don’t want to talk about that right now… I know it’s not good to avoid issues, but I havn’t been able to bring myself to talk about it or whats going on in my head bc of it.
Mandy and I dorve to Niagra falls and back on Saturday. SUPER fun. I had never been (maybe when I was 3, but that doesn’t count bc I don’t remember it.)
It was nice to get away and take a trip with a good friend. I love road trips.
I have also been trying to figure out my faith, which is as solid as a rock, but chages like the tide... if that makes any sense.
Lately I have just wanted to die, but obvious that’s not in Gods plan now. So I truck on. I spent last week trying to run away from everyone and everything I know… but I feel like I am strapped on the end of a bungee cord and it has maxed out…. So I am flying back, but not with out some scraps and bruises. I am never sorry for any experience bc I truly believe that nothing is a waste if it adds to the person you are becoming.
What do I know though… my mind as been so scrambled the past month, I just ramble on…
One of my favorite songs resonates in my head ‘Hear My Tears’, bc that is all I can do. I want so much to Do Gods will. I have been thinking more and more of going back to China to teach. I will have to wait until school is over, but we will see where I am then… till then I appreciate all prayers. I am lacking community here… maybe I will find some when I get my place up in cranberry… again time will tell. The future is a rather frightening thing.
So for now I wait on God. ‘Be still and know I am God’
time to go... i'll do some more rambling later.
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