lier lier pants on fire!

this has been the first time since arriving that i have been angry, true anger. I can take a lot. If some thing upsets me i can usually let it roll. I am chill about most things, but when someone i trust blatantly and forcefully lies to me, that's when i have trouble controlling my anger. I cried on my way to school today, and in the office. I was so upset, that i could be lied to so strongly by someone i felt was so close. I don't want to be angry, it don't like it.
Chuck gave me good advice. I can choose to shut the person out, i can choose to be angry with them, OR i can forgive them, EVEN if they choose to continue lying to me. I think this will be hard for me. But my trust level has plummeted. My instincts are to have my guard up from now on.

Is there anybody out there who won't hurt me? Is there anyone out there who is good at communication? Who can talk things through when things get bad? i have a hard time finding it here. I am yarping for peace and love towards those i am angry at right now.

I think i have had too much community time, i need to get away by myself for a bit. I need me time.

so life is kinda crazy. but i love china and i love the family here.

My mind is on him...

I am having a rough time being single right now.
Weird i know.
I thought coming to china would make it easier because i have a focus and a purpose. But it is much MUCH harder. not because there is someone i am into, not because i am lonely... i don't really know why. I just know i really really want to have someone in my life that loves me fully for me. someone to hold and wants to hold me back, someone to take care of, some one to share my life with and someone who wants to be with me til the end. i know that person may never come. it's a sad thought, but my desire grows stronger, so i have to keep hope alive that he is out there somewhere. waiting, searching and wanting me too.
Until then, all i can do is preoccupy myself with other things to try to take my mind of it, which is currently not working. But it's all i know to do right now.
*sigh*

2 weeks in...

We have been in China for 2 weeks, it seems like we have been here longer. I feel like we fit right in... well, as best as foreigners can fit. It has been an amazing adventure so far. We have met so many wonderful people and explored some interesting parts of the city. I have walked miles and biked miles. We have gotten our apartment together. And i have taught... just a little bit. I am less nervous now, but still a little. This will be a fun and interesting year. I could not have do this on my own. I am so grateful to have mandy here with me. I think any big move is difficult by yourself. I worry sometimes about moving home or to Italy, because it will most likely be all me. I do not like living by myself so much. I LOVE community and have people around all the time. I don't know how this will look after this year, but i know there is already a plan set into place. For now i am focusing on this year and what needs to get done. Maybe in the spring i will be more anxius...? the future is so uncertain.