life has become annoying lately. we talked about spirital awakening at Fuel, and as i look around i see that most of the world is dead. like machines doing what they have to do. i am so terrified to live a monotonous life... day in and day out doing the same thing from dusk to dawn. I want spark, i want randomness, i want life. i just don't know how to get it. I am being told i have to do what i have to do... but i am young. i don't have anything holding me down so why do i have to settle now? i mean if i have a husband and kids sure i can understand. i would have something to wake up for everyday. i am convinced i am going to become the crazy old lady on the corner because i am so picky and can't settle for anything less than what i want.
i can identify with Anne Shirley, Josephine (Jo) March, Elizabeth Bennet and Danielle De Barbarac. All of them strong women who knew what they wanted. Anne was a hopeless romantic who was convinced she would become come like Marila, grow old alone. Jo did not want things to change. She wanted her family to always be together and to just add to it, but never take away and never get married. She knew she would grow up to be an old spinster. Elizabeth was more of a free spirit. she knew things were going to change, but she didn't mnd as long as she got to decide the changes that impacted her directly. Especially marriage, she would not settle for Mr. Collins. She would rather grow old alone. Danielle on the other hand had her focus in a totally different place. she didn't even think of marriage. that is until she accidentally fell in love. Danielle had a mission and in the midst of that mission a charming fellow got her to fall in love with out her being aware of it.
Like all these women i do not often think of dating or marriage. i have a larger purpose, serving God and others. life can get a bit frusterating when you don't know where life is taking you. I am on a mission and there is only one thing that know will happen... i would tell you but that would ruin it. i can't give you everything.
so, i wait. i wait for the day when i get my Gilbert Blithe (who was exceedingly patient with Anne), my Friedrich Bhaer (who is brutally honest and challenged Jo to be the best she could), my Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy (who was loyal and loved so deeply) and my Prince (charming) Henry (who fought for her, he would not lose his 'match')
i have no idea if i will spend the rest of my life alone or if one day my knight in shing armor will come and sweep me off my feet. its a lovely thought, but only God knows what lies ahead.
i do know i have been listening to a lot of Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole latly... i'm gonna blame it on the spring.
wow i got way off track.
tune in next time to see how i get from 'romeo and juliet' to 'how grape juice was created'... lol, that one was for JWags.
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