Friday, April 07, 2006
pouring out whats in my head
2006 has been quite a depressing year so far. i find it very difficult to be happy. not to say that i havn't been happy from time to time, but over all i have been rather negative. and that bothers me bc i am not usually a negative person, but i can seem to get out of this rut. it is a constant battle with myself. i am constantly thinking and constantly comparing and trying to figure out how i can be and do better. but i feel stuck. i don't want to be where i am any longer. but i don't know how to get out, i don't know how to change. satan has me by the next and is slowly pulling me down. its a long drawn out painful battle. i know i will win in the end bc i have God, but that doesn't make the battle any more fun, more bareable maybe, but not more fun. hanging on to all i know and all i have. trying to break free. i am so ready for this to be over. i want to do more... i want to serve more... i want to be used and use the gifts i was given. but how, where, with/to whom? slowly breaking free. i am ready to live. to help and serve... proactive. looking for ways to use my gifts. breaking free.
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7 comments:
this might sound totally wrong, but drinking helps. Seriously. You let down some inhibitions and are more truly honest with yourself than you are otherwise.
Of course, as soon as I figure out how to do that without alcohol, I'll tell you.
Don't listen to Jen ... if does help in the moment, but it makes nothing better in the long term
so miss. Anonymous you told me what not to do, but failed to supply a replacment idea... so far jen's idea looks pretty good. not that i would ever get drunk, miss. Anonymous. but it has been said that it relaxes and helps those who over think things (me) to think clearer... that is if you don't get drunk, a little goes a long way.
I wasn't proposing drunkeness.... Lord knows that is a bad idea, but a lil alcohol relaxes, and allows your mind to think a bit differently. That is why people do things they wouldn't do sober.
And I don't propose drinking to forget your problems. That does NOT help. I've done it and seen it in others.
Drink wisely. It isn't evil in and of itself, but too much, and what happens when you drink too much is wrong. Even I know that.
i totally agree Jen.
thanks ;o)
then drink, whatever. maybe the reason i don't use my name is because i know i'll be attacked.
who is attacking you? all i am saying is that if your gonna knock someones idea, then you sould replace it with one you think would work better. no one is attacking you, at least not that i can tell.
why are you so afraid of getting attacked?
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