Tuesday, April 11, 2006

to whom it may concern...

i don't know what to do. i am tired of waiting. i am tired of people talking about me behind my back and being nice to my face. i don't understand why you don't just tell me to my face whats going on. AND I MEAN TO MY FACE, not over the phone, email or IM. don't worry about hurting my feelings, it hurts me more that you can't/won't talk to me about whatever this thing is. i thought we were close enough to talk about anything, i guess not. are you intimadated by me? have i been mean towards you? i don't know and can't know what it is i have done unless you are willing to tell me. i want things to get better, but as long as we are avoiding whatever it is that's wrong out relationship is only going to progressively get worse. well, i know when i am not wanted so in a few weeks i will be out of your hair, sorry it can't be faster. i don't know what else to do. i am afaid to approach you in fear you would deny the problem exists or worse that you would go off about a bunch of things i don't yet know about. i wish we could talk... but i fear it is not going to happen. in the words of relient K "And running from you is what my best defense is" but i don't want to run anymore. i just don't know how to, when to, where to... i fear that i just may need to let go.

Jonah33 - "Hey can you hear me/I need you to know/That if it’s all right with you/I just need to let go/‘Cause time waits for no one/Life carries on/And I’ll never forget you/I just need to let go/I just need to let go"

****DISCLAIMER: the above it a letter i fashioned together in 5 min. pertaining to how i feel about my certain relationsships in my life right now. it is not directed at anyone person or group of people, just thoughts going through my head that came out in letter format.
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. REJOICE and BE GLAD, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."Matthew 5: 11-12
****FYI: the following letter is also addressed to certain relationships in my life. not directed at any certain person(s).

i don't know what i would do w/o you. you have been such a blessing to me i can not thank you or God enough. i don't think you know how much your encouragement means to me. it has been such a rough year and you continue to lift my spirits and encourage me to stay strong. i enoy every chance we have to talk. thank you for praying with me, encouraging me, and challenging me. we are in this together, it is becoming more and more clear to me that we're in this for the long hull. thanks i couldn't have asked for anything more. you are a true Godsend. i don't know if my circumstance will be improving, but i know i can count on you to be with me no matter what. thanks for being my sheltering tree.

Go Fish - It's been said a friend is like a mighty sheltering tree/a place of refuge we can run when trouble comes for you and me/someone we can count on through the thick and thin/when the storms of life are blowing, there's just nothing like a friend//we all need sheltering trees/friends in our lives who'll get down on their knees/and lift us up before the king of kings/we all need sheltering trees//
there've been days that i was sure that i couldn't make it/I would've given in and said i just can't go on/if it hadn't been for a friend that helped me to be strong/
you can climb the highest moutain/and the climb won't seem so high/or cross the darkest valley/and it won't seem so wide/nothing is impossible when a friend is by your side//
we all need sheltering trees/friends in our lives who get down on their knees/who'll lift us up before the king of kings

"Be true to who you are because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
"friendship is a great gift. One to be prayed for and not taken for granted."
"we need to pay attention to eachother, really see eachother. That is truely the greatest gift."

"For we are God's master piece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Eph. 2:10)
"By the grace of God I am who I am" (1Cor. 15:10)

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