Big Observations from a little girl

I found this story in my email and thought it was cute:

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets Of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the Roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, Spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat.

"Dad, I'm Thinking of something."

This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some Fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all That her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"The rain!" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield Wipers are like God wiping our sins away."

After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.

"That's really good, Aspen."

Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take This revelation? So I asked...

"Do you notice how the rain Keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"

Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:

"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."

I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

Written by me

Frusteration!
.
He will never trust me
I am coming to terms with this fact
no trust = no love
.
as long as I know
that i am not doing wrong
that is all i can do
.
I choose how i feel
about myself
.
I will
No longer let him
dictate how i feel
I am free!
.
He chooses to not trust
which shows me
in my deepest parts
HE chooses to not love
.
I will honor him while i am here
i will respect what he says
and his rules
but i will not take to heart
the hurtful things he says
.
And once i leave
I am gone
I am NOT coming back
He is setting our relationship up
for failure
i can not save it myself
and i am tired of trying
.
Lord, grant me stength
grant me knowledge and peace
i am reasting in your arms
So thankful for the blessings
you so generously give me
i am undeserving
but accept that you do love me
thank you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How does it feel to love?

to be loved?

in a world that is beaten down all around you

with negativity

at all times?

depressing

hopeless

sad

.

I have to make decisions

how i am going to feel

how i wil let things affect me

how i will live my life

.

I choose to find joy

I choose to let go of all the

negative, condisending, angry

words, images, people

.

I can be joyful

when negative foces

are pounding down around me

.

If he chooses to not understand

If he doesn't care to try

there is nothing i can do

until he opens up his narrow mind

.

I am finally realizing

He does not care to know me

after 'knowing' me

for 24 years

seeing me chage

watching my growth

he still does not know who i am

and i can plainly see

he does not care to get to know me

.

my respect for him dwindles

my hope for his love fades

i no longer care what he thinks

bc i know he does not care to know the truth

i have been jaded

for the last time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do I let him

have such a hold on me

i'm making a clean cut

i'm gone

outta here

gotta get away

.

my family is deteriorating

into nothing

bc it takes trust and love

to keep it alive

and that has been lost

so

I have found what i need elsewhere

I find trust and love in strangers

in friends

who become my family

these are the people i long to be with

.

people who encourage

who are excited about me

and excited for me

people who are not afraid to learn

and grow

.

letting go

letting go

letting go

of the past

of what once was

and will be no more

.

once i am gone i am gone for good

Lord, help to free me from this torture

Help me to be set free

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and the sad thing is i will always come back. i will never be able to turn my back completely.

But i am learning to be strong, that i do have worth and i can stand up for myself. I do deserve to love and be loved and i am ready to fight for it.

gone are the dark days!

So Sweet...

i got a call from someone i talked to 2 months ago. they remembered me and that my birthday was in september. i have spoken to this person once in my life on the phone and they rememebred me. i can't help but smile. thats the sweetest thing.
today has been a depressing day. i am not sure why. i am upset that i can not lose weight no matter how i try. i am frusterated with myself and with trying to lose weight. i want to so bad but every effort fails. i really feel like crap today. but i do feel a smidg better that someone would remember me from a phone call... that amazes me.
i don't know what else to do about my weight... i am reading this book on fasting and think after i finish the book i will try that... i mean if i gain weight while i am not eating i know there is something terribly wrong with me. we'll see. i feel hopeless, but surprisingly upbeat. yeah, figure that one out.

Career Personality Test - What Type of Person Are You At Work?

So i took a this test and here is what i found out...

"Krista, your career personality type is ENTP That means that based on the standard measure of personality traits, brainstorming and creating new concepts is one of your strengths. You are an out-of-the-box thinker and come up with great ideas. You are one of those people who absorb seemingly disparate pieces of information and turn them into one brilliant and coherent thought or solution. In other words, you see connections between ideas where others cannot. Your inquisitive nature has helped you create some big, trendsetting ideas With your excellent communication skills, you seek to make connections with other people and enrich their lives with your innovative thinking. On top of it, you are a wonderful negotiator and can close deals with best of them.The reason employers and recruiters might be on the lookout for you is that only about 4-6% of the U.S. population shares the unique characteristics of your personality type. Research shows that businesses succeed when employers create a good balance of personality types in the office. And since only 4-6% of the U.S. population shares your type, that means employers are looking for you. But, to truly show employers what you have to offer, you need to understand a little more about traits that make up your type. "

and then there was a chance for me to buy the rest... what ev.

i do think i am in the wrong profession though... ah!

i got a chocolate bar & ... It's a girl!

I was given oe of those Hershey's bars the read ' It's a herSHEy's' ... cute way for someone to say they have an angelic little baby girl.

On October 31st at 3:06am Braelynn Julienne Davidson became the newest addition to the family. Arriving 6lb 14oz and 19 inches long at Magee Women’s Hospital in Oakland to the proud parents Ryan & Renae Davidson.

Brealynn is SO beautiful and precious. I am so excited about having a new miniature member of the family!

(once i learn how to get pictures off my phone i will upload pictures of our little angel.)

in responce to: Great Things by E-Dogg

"2:20pm Saturday, Oct 21
This board is for the purpose of telling about all the great things Jesus has done in you, for you, and in the lives and world of those around you. It can be anything from simple blessings to awesome miracles. Jesus said if we are ashamed of Him on earth, He will be ashamed of us before His Father in Heaven. Let's not be ashamed, tell what God has done. I really believe God wants to transform this world and I think this is a good, simple way to help do that and to encourage others in their walks with God. So let's see this board grow, not for my glory but FOR GOD'S GLORY!PS- I tagged as many people as I could to get it started, but anyone can post and comment here, feel free"

My response:

Where to begin... everyday is a gift from God, every step, every breath. God has blessed my life more than i could have ever imagined. Through the good and through the bad, always comes Gods goodness and grace. Seeing that i am hopelessly flawed, i need Gods love and grace more than i can say. He is so amazing, i can't express in words the love and appreciation I have for Him. He smiles at me through a sunset, he warms my heart with the thoughtfulness of a friend, He brings laughter in the breeze. There is wonder and mystery in the unknown. I am never alone, never unloved, never forgotten when I am with my Savior. He is the only one who can answer my prayers, who knows my inner thoughts, who knows my struggles, my desires, my dreams and He is the only one who can make something of my failures (and I have a lot).

I see Him in nature, in a laugh, in a hug. I see Him when we are living in community, serving and encouraging one another. I see Him in everyone I come in contact with everyday. God is evident in the lives of non-believers and believers alike. He created each of us in His image. We can all see the evidences if we want to, if we allow ourselves to see Him in daily living, the extraordinary in the ordinary.

I can not describe one event or situation, bc God is alive, active and evident in every area of my life… challenging me to face my fears, encouraging to go above an beyond what I can do alone, pushing me to go deeper in truth, loving me in the way only He can. I love Him bc he first loved me.

Hat day!

this wk is customer service wk at work. we have different things going on everyday. today was CRaZy hat day. i totally forgot, so much had gone this wkend my head was not thinking ahean only in the moment by moment occurances.
So, once i got to work and realized it was hat day i looked around at what i had at my desk (which really is not much. and made made one.
*imagine this*
i started out by putting a paper plate on my head held on by my headset. then i folded part up in front, just for kicks. well some of my coworkers got a kick out of it. and 2 of the ladies told me it was so original...(a paper plate on my head?). so i took it a step further and decorated the hat. i had tea bags in my desk so I very artisticlly tapped some tea bags and spenda to the 'hat'. a coworker gave me some paper clips to scure it to my head. i thought i was done. another co worker suggested i tape a cup up there to finish it off, so i found a styrfoam cup and again artistcally taped it up on the plate.
the finished product go many satres and many compliments. and i wore it all day. it was fun. I love being creative like that. i ended up giving the hat to one of the ladies who thought it was the cutest thing. she was so tickled to be able to keep it.
its little things like that (hat day/makeing a hat out of tea bas and paper products) that makes life so amazing. it is the little things in life that make life so worth while.
*smile*
i love taking what i have (which is usually not much) and making something people can enjoy.

Thoughts of you ~ BG

Thoughts of You and how You changed me
Fill my mind
Without You where would I be

So even though I've tried to express my thanks
It never comes out how I hoped
I want to say so much more so with these simple words
I'll try

I love You
My heart is Yours, only Yours
I long to give You all of me
My everything, my everything

God I never could repay You
You gave everything
Without You where would I be

You still loved me even when I
Pushed You away
You stood there and waited
Till the day I'd return

Career Personality Test - What Type of Person Are You At Work?

Krista, your career personality type is ENTP

That means that based on the standard measure of personality traits, brainstorming and creating new concepts is one of your strengths. You are an out-of-the-box thinker and come up with great ideas. You are one of those people who absorb seemingly disparate pieces of information and turn them into one brilliant and coherent thought or solution. In other words, you see connections between ideas where others cannot. Your inquisitive nature has helped you create some big, trendsetting ideas With your excellent communication skills, you seek to make connections with other people and enrich their lives with your innovative thinking. On top of it, you are a wonderful negotiator and can close deals with best of them.The reason employers and recruiters might be on the lookout for you is that only about 4-6% of the U.S. population shares the unique characteristics of your personality type. Research shows that businesses succeed when employers create a good balance of personality types in the office. And since only 4-6% of the U.S. population shares your type, that means employers are looking for you.

The Brain Test - What Your Brain Says About How You Think and Learn

"Krista, you are Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways."

Thats me alright indecisive.

Singles conference... eh

so I went to a singles conference last night. I had to make myself go. some of my friends were going and one of the convinced me it would be a good expereince. There were a lot of older people there, 50 +. I thought it was going to be mostly younger people.
I guess it was ok. it opened my mind a little to dating. Not dating to find a 'mr.right', but dating just to get out and meet new people and have fun, see how God works in other peoples lives, Build community.

there were 3 speakers...

Hiding from love: Dr. John Townsend
what i got out of his talk was this...
don't be afraid to meet new people and get to know them on a personal level. most single people are so busy serving, helping, etc. that their own needs are not met and they end up having shallow relationships bc they do not make time to cultivate deep, loving, honest and trusting relationships.
Do not become a commitment phobe. if you feel like you need to back, go ahead, but don't back away. face your fears of commitment and make lasting friendships. you will get hurt, but if you can work through that the friendships will grow.
'This generation moved fig leaf from genitle to face... PUT IT BACK!'
stop thinking so much about sex and concentrate on the relational aspect. talk, hang out, bring people together.
Face the fact your not perfect, you don't have to be to be in a relationship. (good thing bc no one is, so there would be no relationships). dont detach yourself from being able to recieve love, compliments, interst, ect. You can't resuce people from thier pain. Do not try to fix everyone elses problems. If you take the pain out of their lives, if you make it so they never have to face any hardships, they will never grow spiritualy.... forgiveness from God is moveing away from these.
When you break from these (perfectionism, detachment and resucing), the shackels start coming off and you will be happier, attract happier people and lead a better spiritual life.
plant health relationship, reap from those healthy relationships.

How to get a date worth keeping: Dr. Henry Cloud
I have issues when it come to talking to guys, especially new guys. Guys have ALWAYS intimidated me. They literally scare me 1/2 to death. I am gettign better, but i still do not know how to interact with new guys. I know this and i think this is one reason i do not date, bc i give off that vibe of uninterested, when it is really fear.
henry set up this system:
make a log of all the men you've met over the past 6 months
from here on out log men that are:
-new
-you have enough interation for them to be interested
-they have a way to follow though (phone#, email, etc)
(MUST have all 3)
Need 5 new guy names every friday, not of guys to date, just of guys that you meet that meet these requirements.

Goal: NOT marriage, goal is to grow spiritually and relationally

Point: We have to be proactive and interactive. we do not wait around our house for a job to come to us(we make a resume and go find one), we don't wait for food to come to us(we go shooping), etc.
same with dating. God plays a part and so do we. We can not become inactive in our search. We have to exercise our ability ot heal and to be relational.
dating does not always lead to marriage, does not have to. Date to make friends, to meet people.

Dating is not a special category... work on your character by meeting new people, it will help to empower you, help you grow spiritually and help you meet people you would not normally meet.

God promised the 'Promise Land', but the had to go get it. be interative w/ God and other people.

Healing is a Choice: Stephen Arterburn
I did not get as much out of this talk. This guy seemed very opinionated and judgmental which turned me off right away, i tried to get as much out of it as possible though.

Sum up dating: deal OR no deal

We wait around for God to do what God waits for us to do.

1) get a hair cut
2) move to russia
3) learn to dance
Bonus: eat chocolate

Do you want to be healed? do you want to overcome the fears and stubborness? it is a choice.

I am A stubborn resistant.

Sometimes we have to go throught stripping away the pain of the comfortable living to beable to grow. Just bc you are comfortable with something, does NOT mean it is healthy for you.
Connect in healthy ways.

Jesus had 12 guys as a support group. contect with people maybe a small group in your church where you can support eachother. at the worst part of our lives is where we need the most connection/support.

most people want you to 'be happy' > happy plastic people

fears start to surface: he will look at other women, i am not pretty enough for him.
he can not love me completely. he will smother me. etc.

We need to feel the depths of our emotion. Cut yourself off from things that cut you off from feeling emotional pain

We must feel to grow, so we can move through and learn fromt he pain.
God has equipped us to endure and overcome pain

risk of protecting from pain VS pain of momentary rejection
TAKE RISKS!

there is not safety no guarentee of happieness. Gods way out... hope.

If your willing to suffer for Christ, your ready to stop sinning (1 peter 4:1)
Additude of Jesus = willingness to suffer pain


In conclusion:
So thats a sum of what i learned... some are my thoughts, some theirs.... all from or inspired by last nights conference. After all that, a lot i am still chewing on, i am trying to say i am ok with dating. As along as dating means meeting new people for the sake of improving your character and growing from each relationship. Again what you do with it is a choice.
I am willing and a bit excited about getting out into the dating world. I am always up for challenging myself. Bring it on! Although i still have doubts that anyone would want to date me.


now to be proactive... who will be my first victim? ;o)


note to reader: i originally stated i would revise, i changed my mind. i will just comment in future entried. this one is long enough as it is. thanks!

White Light

i was talking with this guy about life. he started talking about God and how he saw God in me. He told me the reason he knows God is real is because of the white light yousee when you close your eyes. He said when you close your eyes you see white. God is a spirit and a pure spirit. the white you see is His spirit, pure and white. we have spirits too... He went on to talk about how we are spiritual beings as well as physical beings and how we can connect with God on a spiritual level and a physical level.
I can not tell you if that white light is God, but it was interesting to hear someone elses views and insight about their faith and beliefs. I do not believe any one person knows everything about God... i think we learn from eachother bits and pieces. God made each of us in His image and so each of us holds a different view and truth that answers the question... Who is God?
Who is God to you? What do you think of when you think of God? Who is Jesus Christ to you?

So Happy I could BUST!

i feel SO loved, but its a different kind of love than i am used to receiving. it is not faultering, it is not favoring, it is not human. it is a love that is just because. no reason, just because. I can feel it all around me... a presence, a spirit... love. I feel a love that is the truest, purest, most beautiful expresion ever displayed.

When you feel this kind of acceptance, this kind of grace and companionship, it is such an intense feeling, suach an immense blessing that one can not keep ones self from exploding with joy. the closeness and love i feel can not be described in words.

Its a God thing.

Dark Chocolate

Smile. People will wonder what you are up to.

Love without rules.

Laugh uncontrollably... it clears the mind.

Learn something fromfrom everyone you meet.

Send a love letter this week.

Enjoy a hot bath.

Remember your first everything.

Lose yourself in a moment.

Wink at some one going by today.

Never pass up a chance to tell some one you love them.

Give lots of hugs.

Try something new everyday.

Dance like no one is watching.

Sing at the top of your lungs.

Do not hold a grudge.

Share as if you had the world to give.

Live like there's no tomorrow.

--- if u have any other words of wisdom please share them... i got most of these from Dove dark chocolate wrappers... a little piece of heaven

One Man Support Group

you know me so well
you know what i need
and when to bless me with it
thank you for the smiles
thanks you for the hugs
thank you for the music
you are always here for me
in the good and the bad
you trudge with me through the depths
and you soar with me through the air
in the excruciating pain
in total relaxation
when i am drowning in tears
when i am so happy i could bust
You are here
in the most contented time
as well as the most miserable
becaue you care for me You are here
and because you are always here with me
helping and guideing and encouraging me
i want to spread the love
i want to be there for others when they need me
i want to love, encourage
i want to help dreams come true
i want to make people smile
and laugh
i want to spread the truth of your love
all over the world
Because I love you back

a year later....

lets see how i am doing on the goals i set up a year ago (see sept 12, 2005 entry)..........

1) brush up on my chinese and Italian~ this is not goin so well, i have lost a lot of my chinese.

2) go to massage therapy school~ I am enrolled to start October 7th @ Pittsburgh School of Massage in Penn Hills!!!! yay!

3) Get a job~ i work in customer service at a pharmacy... its not bad, it pays the bill, but it is not something i want to do forever.

4) get a car~ i now own JR, my pontiac vibe <3

5) go back to China and teach english. (i am willing to substitute another country if i feel led)~hoping by the time i am 30.

6) take some culinary arts classes~no classes yet, but i am experimenting more with my meals.

7) find a church and get involved.~ I go to Riverside Community Church (RCC) in Oakmont and i am pretty involved with FUEL the young adults ministry... i tried helping out with child ministry, but they needed more of a time commitment than i was able to give (meetings, traing, interviews, sat, sun, wen) i wanted to help otu Sunday school, but without all the meetings and training i am not able to help out at all.

8) get a place of my own.~ not even close to being able to do this yet, but want to really bad!

9) Read~ i have read many books and parts of many books.... still not as much as i would like though, but i am reading more than i did last year.

5 out of 9 is not bad.... still working on accoplishing the other ones and coming up with new goals as well - gina and i want to go to italy next year.

fear

i remain distant because i am afraid

afraid of loving you

afraid of you not loving me back

its easier this way

i don't know how to free myself

from this dictation of fear

only you can free me

but will you try?

i don't want you to get hurt

but i know i am sure to hurt you

because i am terrified

of what is to come

keeping my distance

is the easiest thing i know how to do

i feel trapped inside this body

inside this relm of thought

i find it difficult to break free

sometimes i try

then i think of you

do you know what i am going through?

would you care?

i have locked my self in a dark room

and lost the key

is there anyone who can help me?

will i ever get out?

i want to love again

but i feel like i will never be allowed

to love freely

my heart breaks

at the thought of losing you forever

it aches more to know

you were never mne to lose

how are we to get along in this world

when we are pursued by darkness

it follows me wherever i go

seeping into my mind

into my heart

my will fights against it

a battle goes on in my soul

i tire of it

i long to be with you

but is there reason to continue fighting?

is there reason to live

knowing i may never

see your face again?

knowing you may never know

the loss i feel for you

my heart breaks

torn in parts

i love you more than you may never know

i'm letting go

my life is not meant to be a life

in love

a life with me at your side

my life will have love

but a very different kind of love

a love that will allow me to be with many

to serve and build and dream

for many

but not with you

you have another life to lead

letting you go is the hardest thing

i have yet ever had to do

the hardest part though

is that you havn't a clue

good-bye sweet love

i'd give you my heart

but it already belongs to another

my heart both aches and fills with joy

knowing you are following your dreams

that you will be happy

that you will not know

the pain that i bare

although i try hard not to allow myself

you must know

i love you with all of my being

i can not take it any longer

i must say good-bye

for fear will not allow it to be

any other way

Deep Breath

My Savior My God

.

I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed, what God has planned

I only know at his right hand

Stands one who is my savior

.

I take him at his word and deed

Christ died to save me this I read

And in my heart I find a need

For him to be my savior

.

That he would leave his place on high

And come for sinful man to die

You count it strange, so once did I

Before I knew my savior

.

My savior loves, my savior lives

My savior's always there for me

My God he was, my God he is

My God he's always gonna be

.

Yes, living, dying; let me bring

My strength, my solace from this spring

That he who lives to be my king

Once died to be my savior

.

That he would leave his place on high

And come for sinful man to die

You count it strange, so once did

I Before I knew my savior

.

My savior loves, my savior lives

My savior's always there for me

My God he was, My God he is

My God he's always gonna be

.

by: Aaron shust

Heb 7:24-25, Ps 42:11

One Day

One Day I will leave this body
and I will get a perfect one
That day I will see His glory
shining like the noonday sun
One day, I'll take a walk with Jesus
He might explain the mysteries of life
Some say, I just can't believe it
but I know that one day

We will gather at the Crystal Throne
All these years: we're finally home
I can actually see His face
And all I can do is say,

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty,
Who was and is and is to come
We lay our crowns before You
Every heart and soul: adore You:
The God of gods, Almighty One

One Day, death will be abolished
And sin will have its mastery no more
And I know that we will be astonished
At all that our Creator has in store
One day we will meet our Savior
And He will give each one of us a stone
Engraved with our names upon it:
known by God alone

We will gather at the Crystal Throne
All these years: we're finally home
I can actually see His face
And all I can do is say,

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty,
Who was and is and is to come
We lay our crowns before You
Every heart and soul: adore You:
The God of gods, Almighty One

by Aaron Shust
Rev. 4:8-11, Rev 2:17

My bubble has been popped... ouch!

the hurt and the pain in the world is becoming more and more real to me, more than i can bare sometimes. Its so unfair, so sad. But as i struggle with the crazyness that seem to gather around me, closing in to suficate me... i come to realize more and more that i can not make decisions for those i love to live for God. But i wish i could do something else other than stand by and watch in pain, the self destructive behavior that leads them further from any form of truth and real love? i feel like i could do more to help. i am trying hard to trust God, bc He gave us all free will and we choose willfully which path to take.... to live for God or to go against God, so who am I to think i can make them do anything? it is just so difficult to watch.

this is so odd, i feel weird stating their are absolutes bc the world is so relative. I know there is right and wrong, but i feel so judged when i voice that fact. No one wants to hear they are wrong, but at the same time there are not many people who want to do what is right. who want to activly stand up against the injustice in this world. I am guilty of this as well. I feel lost when it comes to acting upon my outrage bc i struggle with knowing what to do, how to do and sometimes gaining the strength and courage to do what i know i need to do.

what do you do when you are completely heartbroken, but you don't know what to do about it...

i look at the world, i see the drugs and alcohol , the sex and lack of respect for people, the apathy and hypocracy, the lies and hurt and my heart sinks.... i see the same things happening in the lives of my friends, those i love dearly and my heart breaks completely.
how do you find the balance between the hurting of the world and joy of the Lord?

struggling to find balance

"Everything I think about

Makes me feel like a version of myself

They tell, their lies

And we all synchronize

We want, the truth

Give us the absolute

We need, your help

Cause we've got nothing left to lose"

4 small questions (but really 5)

What do you believe?

Why do you believe it?
(are you able to defend your beliefs if they are challenged or do you not care?)

What is it you are seeking in life?

Why do you seek after it?

CHECK IT OUT:

www.brokenwalls.com

Amazing native american group serving Our Lord ni their unique, refreshing and beautiful style.

i am still checkin out a bit... i will prob update this entry in time... while i am doing taht check out their site!

Answer according to who you are, not who you would like to be or think you out to be.

this is one of the instructions on a - spiritual gifts assesment - i was taking. but i stopped for a moment and thought about that request. It is not always easy in todays world to distinguish between who you are and who you want to be. Reality and fantacy are so often intertwined that it is sometimes hard to know one from the other.
i know who i think i am, the person i see in the mirror everyday, but i bet if you ask my friends they would be able to give you a slightly different version of who the think i am and what they think i am good at and not so good at. I think the most accurate way to score the test may be to take it yourself adn have a close frined also take it for you then combine the 2 scores. A good friend may see something in you that you do not see in yourself. I know a good friend who enjoys pointing things out about me that i do not notice about myself (good and bad). that is helpful to me, and also interesting to see how others view me.

anyway, i have to get going... i am on my way out.
luv you!

coffee and ice cream

i saw aly last night. we met for coffee. It was refreshing talking to her. we told our summer stories, although i didn't have much of one to tell, and talked a bit about the upcoming year.
Niki and greg met up with us, i love those two. we met down at the waterfront and hung out and talked and niki took us to the creamery where she and I had icecream.
it was nice.
its nice to know that even if you lose contact with some people, as aly and i had, you can sit down with them and talk and laugh like you were never apart. That is real family. I missed he a lot.
i just wish people didn't live so far away. i would like to take all my faortie people and put them all in a apt building, kind of like dorms... only more sophistcated.
bring jen in from CA and brandon down from corry and vivian from tibet and julie from ohio... i don't think they would all like that.
but i guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. i do enjoyy every second i get with them when we do get together.

i am just really happy i was able to see aly before she left town again. she was only home for 3 days this summer!

AH!

the apathetic neutrality of this world
and christian hypocrisy
makes me want to scream
how does one balance this anger with Gods love a joy?

loving you is easy 'cuz your beautiful

I love you with a love that is greater than most.
i love the way you think
i love the way you smile
i love the way you challenge me
and build me up
i love you
i love you more that i know how sometimes
i love the way you view the world
i love the way you humble yourself
and keep me humble as well
i love the way you push the limits
i love the way you walk
i love you
i love you so much it hurts
i love you intelligence
i love listening to you talk
i love your laugh
i love your hugs
i love the way you love me
the way you take care of me
the way you are helping me to become a better woman,
a better person
i love the way you show you are human
you are sinful and broken and confused at times
i love the way you see that in me too
i love the way you long and yearn for Christ
i love the way you search for Him

chase after Him

i love the way you continuously point to Christ
and give Him all the glory

you a beautiful to me

one of the most beautiful people i have ever known in my life

not bc you are physically attractive

not because you are funny

not because you smart

or athletic

not because you see me

but bc your soul speaks to me,

you actions speak to me

they tell me and show me

you love God

how you continuously are trying to become more like Christ

and by that encourage me

to do the same

i love you because you are you and i am me

i love you

just because i do

*SMILE*

there are many many things i do not know or understand in this world. how do we get through it without going insane. everything moves so fast, there is not enough time to think and process all the information that is thrown at us. people are measured by the amount of 'stuff' on their schedules. if you have a lot of stuff you must be an important part of society. if you don't do a lot of 'stuff' u must be lazy and a drain. i have to say this is very wrong thinking. it is better to do few things and do them well, take your time and put your heart in to them. people need time to breathe, to smell the roses to enjoy life.

so many things have been clouding my mind lately. Question about me, who am I and what is it i believe? really, specificly...

Who is Jesus Christ? was he a good man? yes. was he a teacher? yes. Is he the messiah? I believe He is...
"Everything good I know, everything decent i know, everything pure i know, i learned from Jesus. He castigated paople. He was angry. People don't think of him that way,but they don't read the bible. He had a righteous anger. He cared for the oppressedand exploited. there's no question that he had the highest moral standard, the least duplicity, the greatest compassion, of any human being in history. There have been many wonderful people, but Jesus is Jesus."
~Templeton, agnostic

I do not understand how this man could see Jesus and all the good he does, believe that He speaks the truth, but deny the most important truth that Jesus speaks. He is God. I don't understand how people can see God, know him and turn away from Him. so many truths ring through my ears that are undenyable to me.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was bringing up random questions such as 'if alien life was found would that disprove God?' i asked how that would disprove God and she said 'Because it is not mentioned in the bible' ... that seems totally off the wall to me. Personally the only alioen life i believe in is Christ follers on earth, we do not belong here, this is not our home. Heaven is our home, and we will always feel out of place here. as far as creatures from other planets i don't think they exist. but i also do not think it is a relevant concern. I think it is one of those things people over think. they are looking of a reason to not believe.

Templeton once stated that the having faith in Christ was too easy. He felt there needed to be some difficult aspects to it. In a sense it is easy, all you have to do is believe that Christ had a purpose and that was to live perfectly so He could die for our sins. He died for us so we could be free.

Now some people would laugh at that and say 'whatever, you 'christains' are slaves to your religion.' and if you look at it that way, everyone is a slave to something. A slave to sin, imorality, greed... i would rather be a slave to love and goodness and be set free from sin and the destruction it causes.

God is amazing, God is love God is everything i will ever need.

......it is interesting where the mind takes you if you let it lead for a while.

there is a difference between people who can't hear and people who don't hear...

"the Christian novelist [or writer] is distinguished from his pagan colleages by recognizing sin as sin. According to his heritage he sees it not as sickness or an accident of environment, but as a responsible choice of offense against God which involves his eternal future. Either one is serious about salvation or one is not...." ~Flannery O'Connor

The parables that Jesus told were not to comfort listeners, but to confront them with their own sin. ~bret lott

adventurous wkend

this has been a crazy wk... as is the pattern of my life lately.
we talked about racial issues in america at fuel. it was a very enlightening conversation. i got a move a few days ago called 'the second chance' that deals with those issues in the church. it is an amazing video. the past few wks i left fuel pondering the topics we discussed. chewing on the ideas that were tossed around. do people really care? do they really think about things like this? and if so why is nothing done to help the situations?

anyway, i babysat with jess friday night, but i don't think my presence was needed. we hung out anyway. it was fun, but i thik i drove her nuts. poor girl has to put up with me.

saturday we went splunking!!!! it was amazing! i held the group up at the end of the climb back due to my lungs and being dizzy. BUt it was so amazing. That was a huge accomplishment for me. Last summer I climbed a mountatin in china (not sure the hieght, North Mountain...look it up) and this year i went cave diving 46 stories down! so much fun, but i was still sore 3 days later. it was a good sore, working out sore... i love doing things like that bc it pushes me to lengths i would otherwise not be pushed to. for example when i go to the gym i can leave as soon as start feeling tired or sick. but when you are stuck at the bottom of a cave the only way to get out is break something (i.e. a leg, arm, etc) or climb out yourself and i was determined to do it. I want to take tie to thank mike, steve and jason for waiting behind with me. I appreciate that more than you may ever know. Thank you so much for the support guys!
when we got out of the cave and got changed, we headed to potters, a local place. i got teased for the weird food combination i ordered... fried mushrooms, milded wings and grilled cheese sandwich. we also go ice cream on teh way home and played loaded questions and mad gab in the van to and from uniontown.

i met up with amber niki and greg after that and we went out to eat with kristen and jon somewhere in shadyside. then we came back and played games @ niki and gregs apt. i ended up sleeping over @ their place. we went to jareds church in the morning. he wasn't there so amber and i went to visit him after church and i beat him and amber in pool! then amber and i traveled to A.dannetes house, but got lost and ended up at my Auntie and uncs house so we stopped in to visit. auntie made us lunch and we talked for a bit. then we traveled to a.ds house. where i found out lizzy is in the hospital (please be praying for her). we hung out there for a bit, then i took amber home and went home and to sleep. it was a nice wkend, and i am back to random happenings in the evenings. i am off work tomorrow though! excited, but not sure what i am going do yet. '

i have to work sat, this will be my first sat to work, i am interested to see how it goes. other than that inot much is planned. the next BIG thing is the canoe trip at the end of the month.

alright, i am done with yet another ramble ... hope you all have a wonderful day!

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, just to let me down...?

i feel like a horrible person, nothing i say or do is right. nothing that comes from me will ever be good enough for you. i have come to terms with that. so i run from you. i do not wish to hinder ur life anymore than i obviously have already. i try my best to serve and love the best i know how, but with you i always fall short. I don't understand where i started going wrong. i don't understand why you insist on being in my face. please, just let me go, let me leave so your life can improve.

More School...

yesterday i mailed in my paper work for school. it was such a good feeling to drop that envelope in the mailbox. Now i get to sit around anxiously waiting for my acceptance letter. I am so excited i could burst! October 7th is my first day of class! *big smile*

an update on life:
last wkend was nice, i went to a condo in the middle of nowhere with the fam. it was a very relaxing wkend. I did nothing all wkend, it was nice.
I am SUPER excited about this coming wkend, going splunking! i am still looking for shoes to wear... i may end up just getting the ones i saw at wal*mart. i know i should try to get better ones, but not many stores are carrying hiking shoe right now. we shall see. i did see some at Dicks but there was one guy in the shoe section and i got tired of waiting for him. I got a head light that i am super excited about using.
i finally got my insurance trough work starting yesterday. thats exciting, now i just have to wait for my new insurance card. I need new glasses and contacts. i feel like i am i am becoming more of a grown up.
did i mention at all the i am ona fantacy football team? yes i know, i never thought i would be on one either, but i am and i think it will be fun. i am not much of a football person, so i am not sure how well i will do. we shall see... we don't pick out teems till aug 28th... we have a while. thats good bc that will give me time to figure out what i am doing.
my stomache has be bothering me a lot lately, and i have had a headache for the past 36 hours. i don't know what is wrong with me...

random observation:
i have found that if i drink coffee (or other caffinated beverages) i am a more pleasent person... not nessasarily more awake, but generally a happier person... weird, hu?
i have not been drinking alot of caffinated beverages the past few months bc i am afraid i will become addicted to them, but i think i will start to drink more caffine due to this new and interesing fact. i started drinking this stuff called spark, natural caffiene in fruity flavors. its pretty good stuff, i am trying to stay away from the caffinated drinks that are loaded down with sugar.

i think stating next wk i am going to try that diet that my aunt was trying to get me do.... i don't have time to go grocery shopping til then... plus i have to get the diet plan from her, i don't remember what i am supposed to eat on it. she lost a lot of wieght on it, so i am gonna try it out. i am frustereated with myself. i am large and i can not seem to lose wieght no matter what i do. when i go on diets i usually end up gaining wieght... hopefully this one wil work for me. i guess we shall see.

... the end

"I Just Called To Say I Love You"

No New Year's Day to celebrate

No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away

No first of spring

No song to sing

In fact here's just another ordinary day

No April rain

No flowers bloom

No wedding Saturday within the month of June

But what it is, is something true

Made up of these three words that I must say to you

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

No summer's high

No warm July

No harvest moon to light one tender August night

No autumn breeze

No falling leaves

Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies

No Libra sun

No Halloween

No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring

But what it is, though old so new

To fill your heart like no three words could ever do

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care, I do

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care, I do

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,of my heart

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care, I do

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,

baby of my heart

what does this song make you thing of... really, the first thing that comes to mind?

to me it is GG, my grandmother. she used to sing this to us all the time growing up. didn't know it was a 'real' song til i was 13. so i think of when i was young and times i had with her. its a fun song too i think... ok, that's all for today.

Just A Closer Walk With Thee

(As released by Patsy Cline, February 10, 1965)

.

I am weak but Thou art strong

Jesus keep me from all wrong

I'll be satisfied as long

As I walk, let me walk close to Thee

.

Just a closer walk with Thee

Grant it, Jesus, is my plea

Daily walking close to Thee

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be

.

When my feeble life is o'er

Time for me shall be no more

Guide me gently, safely o'er

To Thy kingdom’s shore, to Thy shore

.

When life's sun sinks in the west

Lord, may I have done my best

May I find sweet peace and rest

In that happy home of the blessed

.

Just a closer walk with Thee

Grant it, Jesus, is my plea

Daily walking close to Thee

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be

refocused & refreshed

I feel very overwhelmed by the craziness of life. some people can be too demanding, nothing I do is right, nothing I say is right... good thing I have God or I would be really depressed. He loves me as I am, I do not have to be perfect.
You know the problem with being perfect is that everybody has a different perspective on what perfect is, therefore no one can ever truly be perfect in this world. It can get real frustrating if you are one of those perfectionist types, good thing I'm not! I am hopelessly flawed and I am o.k. with that fact.

I enjoy not being perfect, life is more interesting that way. I enjoy learning and growing from all the experiences of life... I don't think I would like being perfect bc then there would be no where to go, no way to improve, no crazy mistakes that make good stories. that reminds me of a brad paisley song...

little moments

Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard

That pretty mouth say that dirty word

And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into

But she covered her mouth and her face got red And she just looked so darn cute

That I couldn't even act like I was mad

Yeah I live for little moments like that

Well that's just like last year on my birthday

She lost all track of time and burnt the cake

And every smoke detector in the house was goin' off

And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms

And I tried not to let her see me laugh

Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect but she tries so hard for me

And I thank God that she isn't 'cause how boring would that be

It's the little imperfections it's the sudden change in plans

When she misreads the directions and we're lost but holdin' hands

Yeah I live for little moments like that

When she's layin' on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark

And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm

And I want so bad to move it 'cause it's tinglin' and it's numb

But she looks so much like an angel that I don't wanna wake her up

Yeah I live for little moments

When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it

Yeah I live for little moments like that

That song makes me smile...

I mess up all the time, but I use those situations to improve myself. These are some questions I ask my self in hard situations... What can I learn from this? How can I apply what I am learning to my life? Is what I am gaining from this helpful to better myself and better serve others? What am I learning about myself through this situation? Such as, how I handle certain situation, how I act, and react to different situations. Trying to become closer to what Christ would have me be as I learn from these situations. Continuing to pray and ask God to mold me through every circumstance, the good as well as the bad. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, and every situation and interaction is connected. How I handle each situation is a test of my character, my love and servitude towards others and my dependence/relationship with God.

I need to practice focusing more on Gods purpose and less on the many individual issues in my life. I need to spend more time with God, and learn to listen better to Him. I need to get more involved in my church and community to serve others and share Gods love. I need a set list of goals that will help keep me focused and dependent on God. I am starting this year freash (I still tend to think in school years).

I am ready to hit the ground running... new year, new plans, new life...

Jesus,

this is no sacrifice

here's my life

a look inside

i have realized this summer that i am naturally introverted. most people know me as outgoing. but i have realized the extroverted and outgoing are two separate things... you can be introverted and out going. i have to push myself when i am in large groups of people to be lively, i do better one on one or in small groups of people.

this picnic this past wkend (although it was fun) wore me out... i am still exhausted! 3 whole days later! But i am glad i had it, i got to see some people i had not gotten to see for a while. And while i do like smaller groups, i also enjoy bringing the people in my life together. I know some amazing people and so i want to spread the love. i think everyone had a fun time... and that's what matters most.

alright, well i am going back to my hole in the earth to continue to recover... ttyl

nautical nonsense

mostly just nonsense...

... (deep breath) ...

... the past few wks have been a bit tense for me, not sure why. i am having trouble putting my finger on any one thing... maybe its just a bunch of little things...

...i still view years in school years, instead of from jan to dec. i am excited to see what this year holds, so many changes. this time last year i was in china! hard to believe.

... i am very excited to be going to a concert on my birthday, again this year. Kyle and E-dogg and i am sure some other groups are preforming at clarion. I am so there!

... i am going back to school for massage which is extremely exciting for me.

... i have a few ideas on how to get more involved in the church i am going to... hoping to start up a young womans group. i have a heart to help women see the beauty inside themselves... i know i stuggle with it a great deal myself at times, but i know God could work through that weakness to shine on other women and help them. i just don't know how i am going to do that just yet. (Lord, i am leavin the how up to you)

... not much is happening in the next month... ryan is comin home from china!!! can't wait to talk with him! and i know i am getting old and all but i am excited to visit good 'ol clarion and meet the freshmen and spend time with the sr. class this year. it is really interesting to watch things change over the years. i it crazy to see the difference from my freshman year to the changes i already see in this up coming year.

...there is a prayer walk friday night and saturday morning and steve planned an off the floor event saturday during the day. i am not sure which i am going to, i had planned on the prayer walk so i could meet more people in the church, but i feel obligated to go to the off the floor thing... i guess we'll see what happens. there is a concert thing in oakmont saturday night as well. so my wkend is pretty full. and next wkend the fam is going to a cabin in the woods somewhere... that should be fun, 1st family vacation since 6th grade! and the saturday after that FUEL is going splunking!!! i am so excited! i have wandered around in caves before, but from what i can tell we are going off the beaten path and roaming the depths (13 stories down!) of the cave! i am excited, did i already say that?!?!
Plus Zach may come and splunk with us! I am excited to get to know him better, he seems like a fun guy.

... so i do have a few little things going on, but the next big thing i am looking forward to is my birthday! i do not usually do anything big, but i enjoy celebrating with a few close friends.

... lately i have felt very pressured... i am not sure why, but my muscles are very tense and i am very unfocused. i don't like the way it makes me feel, but i am not sure how to stop it...

...God has been teaching me some pretty intense stuff, for me atleast, so that may have something to do with it. I love how God works, most of the time.... its hard stuff and i am not sure how to explain it all, so for now we'll just leave it at that, if you would like to talk to me about it though you know where to find me.

... i am totally aware that life may not turn out the way i plan, not that i have much of a plan, but i have decided to make a list of things i would like to accomplish throughout my life... this should be interesting.

... if you couldn't already tell i am kind of scattered today i thought i would state that here. (check)

... i hope you are all having a wonderful summer! i would love to hang out with you if your up for it! still a little over a month to go!

alright well i am out... i have to finish up my papers for school.


P.S. WING NIGHT tues july 25th at the LUBE! be there!

hangin with jess

i am hangin with jess at her house... we are watching a movie (pride&prejudice). i thought i would take this time to update the blog.

the wedding last wk was fun. i got the chance to hang out with my out of town cousins. and once again i was asked to be photographer... i believe this is the third wedding i was asked to photograph. it was fun. the view of the city was amazing. however, it did get kind of crazy as the night went on... no comment.

i took my cousin from texas (patrick) and my aunt (diane) down to the point on the 4th. Pat had never been to the point before. We enjoyed the regatta and he got to see the fountain. it was a fun day. i enjoy hanging out with patrick when they are able to come visit. i am eager to visit them in texas, hopefully someday.

patrick came down to meet with me on thur. and came to bible study. it was nice to hang out with him and have him meet my friends.

friday i went to visit amber, we went to the park and talked about a great many things and played on the swingset... that was fun.

saturday i did not do much of anything, some cleaning and reading... just enjoying my time doing nothing. i am always on the go, it was nice to have a day where i did nothing.

sunday i saw the new pirates movie... not impressed... there was no ending. then i had dinner with kristi, that was nice and went home to clean some more....

.... that brings me to today! i am hanging out with jessi, the family is away so we are taking over the house. she needs to be 3 places at once 'india, america and subway'. so if any of you know how we can make that happen let me know.

i am looking forward to the wkend. my picnic is coming up. i do enjoy hosting gatherings of this sort. bringing people together is a favorite past time of mine. i do have a lot of cleaning and preparation before saturday, yet i am very busy in the evenings to come... not sure how i will get it all done... but it will get done.


... ... ... i have so many thoughts swimming around in my head... contradicting eachother, how can i know for certain which one is the right one? or maybe they are both right, just in different situations... i do believe for many things their is a black and a white, but there are many issues that are gray... bc everyone is different and has a different set of convictions. i long so deeply to be in Gods will, but there are not spacific directions in the bible for my life, so it is hard to know if i am going where i need to go... living each day by faith. one step at a time. i can not look too far into the future or my focus gets fuzzy and misplaced... i do not know what the future hold, all i know is what is should do... i need to draw closer to God everyday and walk with him and he will guide me. life can be very confusing... but that can make it exciting. standing firm on what i know and thinking over that which i am not sure of....
... sorry this is kind of a random entry. i am getting tired and the movie is coming to an end... so is this blog.

a summer of travel...

Jen is back in CA, but it was a supper fun wkend at the Richardsons. I love you jen! don't forget were going to ... ? well i forget, but next summer were havin another fun bash... can't wait!

Kristi is flying to philly, Las vegas and Germany!!!! she is going from homebody to woman of travel! I am excited for her, more stories to listen to, yay!

ryan called me tue. night! random, if i do say so myself... he is currently in china (so jealous!) and we were talking about some specifics. I love that kid, he is amazing. we talked for quite sometime, til he got to wherever it was he was driving to for his hockey game. It was nice to hear from him. I am excited to sit down with him when we get back and here all about his trip.

patrick just got back from wisconsin and will be traveling PA until he travels out of sate again at the end of summer to michigan. i'll get to see a few times before he leaves. I am excited to see what God will do in his life this next year... although i am a little sad to see him go.

Greg and Niki travel a lot across the state... ;o)

other people are in camps, summer school and other random happenings this summer...

as for me, i take my little road trips. this is not the summer for me to do much, but i am having a lot of fun.

*** i got a few skirts and some fun (cheap) jewlery, i think i am ready for the next phase in my life... i am ready for changes... and while i wait for those changes, i will be active in the things i am invoved with this summer... and encourage those who are doing BIG things this summer.

God is good all the time...
... i am so undeserving and yet am flooded with blessings.

inlove = insane

"are you inside your sane!?!"
paraphrasing...
"sane means you are of sound mine and can therefore relate to the things around you (reality makes sense (for the most part) and you can relate to it) ... when you are insane, you are basically inside your mind (in your own little world) where everything make sense to you, but not to anyone living in reality."

when insane you can not think clearly in a way the relates to reality. You see things the way you want to see them, not the way they are...

when you are inlove most people tend to see the other person for who they want them to be and not who they are in reality. That makes it much harder after marriage when you see for your self reality and your romantic image is shattered. I think most people are more inlove with the ideal of being inlove than actually wanting a meaningful, deep, friendship that can last alife time.

i don't know if i am cut out for it myself... i do know i do not like being 'inlove' i end up inside my sane and i drive myself crazy!

this is the end of my rambling...

... this blog entry inspried by Brain and Jen, ;o)

... the blessing continue to pour out

life just continues to get better and better...

i spent sat night with jess, amazing! Saturday i spent helping my dad stain the deck, it was nice spending time with him doing something productive. We don't do much together these days. finding these to bond over are few and far between, so i'll take what i can get. I really did have a lot of fun though. Genna and I met some FUELers at the point sat. night and hung out, it was good sister time. Sunday we all just hung out at home and talked! no joke, we actually enjoyed our time as a family and talked and listened and enjoyed it!!!! needless to say we all went our own way at the end of the day... but it was nice while it lasted, a family focused wkend.

work was a little stressful, but it happens... i went to the gym and worked some of that off... went to Jareds bible study (great job, bro!) he is an amazing man.

And I got to talk to Chris Basinger!!!! He is SO amazing, i love that guy so much! *smile*

And no joke, jen klunk is coming to spend the night tomorrow, i can not wait!!!! i love her and have not seen her in like 2 years!!!!! yay!

i am prob the happiest person on earth right now! *smile*

Thank you for pour down your blessings... its more than i deserve, but i'll take what you give me... ;o) I love you!

the never ending battle

i have been thinking a lot lately about how everything relates to everything else... its quite fascinating. I was helping my dad stain the deck and we were talking. at one point he was explaining how frustrated he was that this (staining the deck) was a never ending battle, every year or 2 years it has to be done. And you just can go out and stain, you have to scrub the deck and clean out all the little cracks, than you have to use deck cleaner, wait for that to dry and then you can stain the deck. our deck is pretty big... it took 3 of us working together a little over 2 hrs! so it was a lot of work, took mot of the day.
Anyway, the comment made me think of other aspects of life and how we have to keep up with them every year/month/day/hour/minute... life itself is a never ending battle. WE have bills to pay, clothes to clean, food to prepare... there is an endless cycle of things we do, some things we just get used to others we view as hinderances.
I think the most imortant battle though is one that is most over looked, and that would be the battle for your love. i believe most people do not know what love really means. there are advertisements telling people, there are strangers in bars telling people, there are abusive parents/husbands/wives tell people their version of what love is. this world is so crazy and mixed up, a lot of people truely do not know real God love. they do no undestand the importance of caring for others and loving God. Because they have never been shown. I think that falls on us Jesus lovers, true Christ followers to ooze Christs love to everyone in the world around us.

Wow, i really got off track here... i was talking about battles... the battle for ones soul is minute by minute, second by second fight for ones affections and focus. Who is going to win? well here is what an old indian chief once said about the subject:

"It's like having two dogs living in you, one good pulling me toward God and one bad pulling me away from God, continuously fighting each other.

Which dog wins the fight?

Old Indian Chief: Whichever one you feed the most.

*Which dog are you feeding?

the best wk EVER!!!!

it all started with me visiting shell on sat. she was in the hospital, but i got to see her and that made me smile. sunday i went out to lunch with some of the RCC peeps and then spent the remainder of the day with jess ;o) we just hung out at the park. I love the park.
monday i went to work @ 8 am (yuck) but got out @ 4:30 pm (super yay!) and got a call (randomly) from none other than Julie Draper (no lie!) She needed a place to crash, so her and I stayed at my grams (don't ask). we met greg and niki down at the water fron for about an hour and hung out... introduced greg and niki to the creamery and talked a lot. I love those guys and now they are living in hell (aka swickley/pittsburgh) which makes me so happy!
they had me over for dinner after work. niki makes the BEST burgers EVER!!!! i had such a fun time hanging out. I am so glad they are here. although their do bit my nose off! (j/k) its cute but dangerous.... did i mention how excited i am that they are here!
today i won $100! yes way! i am so excited... how to spend, hm... prob on gas for road trips! yay!
if you couldn't tell i am supper happy. i tutored dr. Wang to day and he took me out to dinner...chinese! he was real impressed with how well i could use chop sticks. o yeah!
and then... patrick called! and we talked for about 2 hrs... i love that boy.
and tomorrow i have fuel... i think and then friday hangin out with jess again ;o)
and from there who knows?!?!?!

God has blessed me SO much this wk it is amazing! i am so happy i could burst. i do not deserve all this... but i am grateful for it.

your thoughts are higher than mine
your love is stronger than mine
this is no sacrifce
heres my life

thank you!

interesting article... thanks GG

+++++++++++++Positive News Weekly Story++++++++++++++
Enjoy The Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to Visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into Complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the Professor went to the kitchen and returned With a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, Glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - Telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving Behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want Only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and Stress.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously Went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position In society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, And do not change the quality of Life.

Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the Coffee God has provided."

So, don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~

LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS:
I don't know the key to success, but the key To failure is trying to please everybody. --Bill Cosby

LEADERSHIP/SUCCESS:
Live as if you were to die tomorrow Learn as if you were to live forever--Mahatma Gandhi

MOTIVATION/INSPIRATION:
The older I get, the less I pay attention To what people say or think or hope. I notice what they do,How they Live,And what they work for.--Robert Fulghum "Words I Wish I Wrote"

Where is God?

We were asked to journal where we saw God working and where we saw satan working. I find myself people watching more, observing conversations instead of joining in them. Watching people react and counter act.

I see God in the faces of the young and the old a like. I see His joy and hope, His laughter and his tears. I also see the uncertainty of life. the wonder and excitement.
Then there is satan and the lies that he wispers to us to knock us off the path. The tension he causes, or we allow him to cause in relationships.
Satan can do nothing without our ok, without us allowing him to do it. We can sit back and let him or we can take up our weapon and fight him. Its not easy, it wasn't meant to be, but still the choice is up to you.

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."
~ GK Chesterton

This wk at work there were a few calls where the customer i was talking to was more encouraging that they couls ever know. I could hear their joy, their smiles through the phone. They were angels brightening my spirit and encouraging my soul. There are people all over the nation who want to be whole, but they do not know how. They need the truth, Gods truth. Love. Not preached at or condemed, just loved.

"God loves everyone, so a Christian should, too. In fact, Jesus said that the most important thing in life is to love God with everything we’ve got and love others the same way. But it’s not always easy to love everyone around us, is it? Sometimes we strongly disagree with other people’s political views, religious beliefs, behaviors, or something else, and it makes it hard to love them when we feel like we’re right and they’re very wrong. But Jesus doesn’t separate loving God and loving others. So maybe the best way for us to show our love for God is actually by loving other people no matter how hard it sometimes is. Maybe it’s the only way. "
~ www.Nooma.com (check it out)

"I love those shoes. Really? The same way I love my wife? What’s up with the word “love”? It doesn’t have much meaning when we use it so loosely. Maybe we don’t really get it. Maybe we don’t understand what real love is. What it involves to really love somebody. What it means to give yourself to someone else. We mistake things like friendship, commitment, or lust for love, but God wired us a certain way to experience all that love was really meant to be. Not to hold us back or to make us miss out on the best that life has to offer. God created love, and wants us to feel it all in the way it’s meant to be felt. "
~ www.Nooma.com (check it out)

I see God everywhere, in the lives of everyone around me. Not just in the lives of believers, if someone does not believe in God it does not mean He can not touch their lives... on the contrary, God can do anything He wants. I have seen Him bless non-belivers over and over. I have seen Him help them, i have seen Him love them. That is what we as believers are to do love them. Love them as we love eachother, as we love God. I heard some one say once, "the way we love others is the way we love God." That can be convicting. That doesn't mean how we treat other christians... how we treat other people. the bible says it is easy to love those who love you, there is no challenge in that. But blessed are those who love those that do not love them back, for that is a much harder task.
Do not put God in a box, who He can love or who He can help. He can do awhat ever He wants, He loves everyone. We are all created in His image. "we need more hands and feet and less mouths" ~ steve pink.

I have seen God in many situations and in the hearts of many people, but I hope above all esle that He, His love can be seen in me.

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
~ DC Talk

Old schoolin it... DC Talk style

That kind of girl

Prologue - The other night I met a girl and she looked to be so nice
I asked her for the digits and she didn't think twice
A couple of days later called her up and asked her out
She said "Wit you?"I said "Wit me" and then she said "Without a doubt"
I took her to the garden where I guess they grow the olives
She wore a tighter skirt than any I had seen in college
She said I love to smoke and drink while cursing like a sailor
I asked her where she got her mouth and if she had a tailor
Finally I walked her to the door to say good night
She said "I am an apple would you care to take a bite"
Politely I refused and said, "I'm looking for a lady."
So she slapped me on my face and said "Boy you must be crazy"

She's that kinda girl
Different from the ones before
'Cause I know she loves the Lord
She's that kinda girl
Virtuous in every way
The kinda girl that makes you say
"I hope she comes my way"

Well I'm lookin for a girl who's virtuous
'Cause God laid it on my heart to search for this
So I open up thr Word to the book of Proverbs
The 31st chapter tells me all about her
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain
A woman who fears the Lord, she ain't playin'
Hear what I'm sayin' 'cause I'm sayin' it clearly
She's the kind of girl I gots to have near me

She's that kinda girl
Different from the ones before
'Cause I know she loves the Lord
She's that kinda girl
Virtuous in every way
The kinda girl that makes you say
"I hope she comes my way"

Well I'm lookin' into hookin' with a lady
And not a girlie of the worl'y that's shady
But the kind of girl you meet behind the doors of the church
Ya see, God will bring her to me so I don't have to search
Too hard, I've been scarred by the ones of the past
So put an A-P-B out on the one that'll last
A little longer than a roll in the hay for sure
But a bonafide lady's what I'm prayin for

When I finally meet her
I'll know how to treat her
By fulfilling all her needs
Love her and respect her
Cherish her forever
She's the kinda girl for me

She's that kinda girl
Different from the ones before
'Cause I know she loves the Lord
She's that kinda girl

Perfect for each other
There'll never be another for me
She's that kinda girl for me
Virtuous in every way
The kinda girl that makes you say
I hope she comes my way

Heaven help me
Hear my plea
I know there's one who's perfect for me

She's the kinda girl for me
The kinda girl for me
She's the kinda girl for me
She's the kinda girl for me
The kinda girl for me
She's the kind of girl for me
I pray she comes my way

She's that kinda girl
Different from the ones before
'Cause I know she loves the Lord
She's that kinda girl
Virtuous in every way
The kinda girl that makes you say
"I hope she comes my way"

She's that kinda girl
Different from the ones before
She's the one that I adore
She's the kinda girl for me
Virtuous inevery way
The kinda girl that makes you say
I hope she comes my way

Socially Acceptable

What cha thinking doing the things you do
Whose opinion are ya listening to
Justifying you turn it all to grey
Synchronizing to society's ways

RAP- Society has gotten to be all outta wack
And don't bother with excuses whether white or black
To blame it on a color won't get a result
Because history reveals to me how ethics were lost
In reality our decency has taken a plunge
In God We Trust is an American pun
Funny how it happened so subtly
Hey-yo fellas kick the melody

Socially acceptable
It's ok, it's alright
Socially acceptable
It's ok in whose sight
Socially acceptable

Times are changing with morals in decay
Human rights have made the wrongs ok
Something's missing and if your asking me
I think that something is the G-O-D

RAP- To label wrong or right by the people's sight
Is like going to a loser to ask advice
And by basing your plans on another man's
Way of living life is creating a brand
Of ethics sure to be missin' the punch
No-count morals that are to lunch
They're sliding away because everything's ok
It was taboo back then, but today ya say "What the hey"

Socially acceptable
It's ok, it's alright
Socially acceptable
It's ok in whose sight
Socially acceptable

RAP- We gotta get back to the principles found in the Word
A little G-O-D could be socity's cure
From the state that we're living in
'Cause again we're slipping
So pray for America
Because time is ticking

Socially acceptable
It's ok, it's alright
Socially acceptable
It's ok in whose sight
Socially acceptable

Don't want it

[Do you copy?]

S-E-X is test when I'm pressed
So back up off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
Then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't have sex 'til you tie the knot

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, want your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, 'til we take the vows

Girl, it's gonna take a little time
For us to see [the truth]
That love is simply more fulfilling
Than the need [for S-E-X]
Respect is what we need to find the cure
For this disease [of lust]
And trust in God above
To shape our lives in harmony

[Do you copy?]

That's why I'm saying

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, want your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, 'til we take the vows

[Ah yeah, Red Leader, I don't think I copy thatUh, did you say you don't want sex for now?I'm confused, could you clarify? Over.]

Girl, they say that it takes two
To make a thing go right (for love)
But girl, we gotta remember
There's another in our lives (in God we trust)
We must add up the cost
Before indulging in the heat (for now)
And trust that God will give us
Something better if we wait
That's why we got to say...

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, want your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, 'til we take the vows

1-900-LOVE, S-E-X is on the TV
Too much skin is in your vision
You gotta make the right decision
God has set His standard higher
Purity is His desire, I'm gonna choose to wait
I don't want it, I don't want it
I don't want your sex for now

Yo, s-e-x is a test when I'm pressed
So back off with less of that zest
Impress this brother with a life of virtue
The innocence that's spent is gonna hurt you
Safe is the way they say to play
But then again safe ain't safe at all today
So just wait for the mate that's straight from God
Don't give it up 'til you tie the knot

I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, your sex for now
I don't want it, I don't want it, want it
I don't want it, I don't want your sex
I don't want your sex for now

Until we take the vows
Even if they dog me out
I don't want your sex (4x)

[Red Leader, Red Leader, I don't think I copy][Your sex for now!]

Pet Peeves... have i done this b4?

i thought i did pet peeves b4 but i didn't see it in the history... so here we go...

so the past few days (week) things have been rubbin me the wrong way. There are 2 pet peeves i have found that urk me.

1) when people judge other people/thing w/o knowing who/what they are judging. I hear judgements of people a lot and i confront those who make those assumptions, usually ending up in those people not wantign to talk to me. It just makes me angry to hear judgement and lies come from people about other people, when they do not know the situation at all in the first place!!! Plus, love should think the best of people, not the worst. Maybe the fact is that i am surrounded by people who don't know how to love unconditionally? is that an unfair judgment? I love these people dearly, but i don't understand how they can be so closed minded?
Did i miss the part of the bible that commands us to look down on those around you and make negative judgments???
AH! Why don't people look for the good in others? why do they pick out the bad right away?
frusteration!

2) when people say we need to live more like Christ, but make no changes to be more like Him. people do do what they are told, they do what they are shown. 'monkey see, monkey do' Why is it so hard for us to let go of material things? I have found my desires have changed a lot in the past 4-5 years. I used to want to get married, be a house wife, have a bus load of kids and be the 'cool' mom on the block. Teaching sunday school and being part of the PTA. A friend of mine told me the other day he could see me being a great soccer mom, but instead of being flattered i was a bit frightened. The last thing i want is a mediocure run of the mill life. I want to be radical for Christ. I am not sure how that looks, but baking cookies for the annual church bake sale and sharing gossip with other moms on the street does not appeal to me. I want more, so much more.
Lord, show me what I need to do to be come more radical for you and help me not only to know what to do, but acutallu do it. thank you for your patience with me. I love you!

I find i like hanging out with me a lot. Just me and God... fun times.

Philippians: 27-30
Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved–and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

stories...

we are supposed to journal for fuel, but i am not quite sure what about. there are so many sories i could tell... my life is a dramatic mess.

today a lady came up to me in wal*mart and handed me a track 'how to be saved' she mumbled some things about God returning soon and walked away. Does that type of ministery really work? the lady seemed nice, but i don't know who she is or what she wanted, really. that doesn't really show Gods love... how are people going to kow Gods love unless you show them?

A few months ago at work i was sitting talking to a good friend of mine on the phone and when i got off i noticed there was an old woman wondering around the building. she was lost and confused and asked me if i knew where there was a pay phone. I told her she could use my cell phone, no problem. She did so to call her daughter and tried to pay me for the call! I informed her i did not want her money, i was just glad i could help. she smiled, thanked me and was on her way. a few coleguges of mine saw us and later asked me if i knew the woman. I said no. they were astonished i had let a stranger use my cell phone. ?!?! since when did helping strangers become a novelty? i did not see anything threatning in that little confused old woman. it makes me sad that people don't want to help other people just bc they are strangers.
i don't know, maybe i am just off the wall.

so people keep asking me about my 'love life' or lack there of in my case. people don't seem to understand there is a process to this. first there has to be a guy who is interested in me and wants to pursue a relationship... first step not yet achieved. There has yet to be a guy interested in me, let alone interested in me enought to say 'hey i like you, would you accompany me to dinner?' so until we reach step one i don't want to be asked anymore about my lack of a 'love life'. I have too many other things to focus on right now anyway and do not have time for a boyfriend! i struggle with wanting one at all. I have never had one so i really do not know what i am missing. When God is ready for me to have one He will bring him to me. so enough of the drama, please.

I am still struggling with feeling i belong where i'm at. i want everyone to feel like they belong, if they don't i don't... at least that seems how it is now. sometimes i feel great and this is where i am supposed to be, other times i am so out of the loop i don't care to try to find my way back in. I just want to do what God wants me to do. and i really feel massage thereapy is it right now. but i don't know how he is going to use that in the future. Then again there are alot of uncertainties about my future.

i am done rambling for now... tired and have things to do...

jer 29:11

O and read judges 13-16 and tell me what you think...