transfered... from facebook

So if you could not tell by the previous 4 posts... I enjoy Beverly Mitchells new CD. My blogger is not connecting so I guess I will use facebook tonight... so much is going on lately... very busy and consequently very stressed. GG went into the hospital Monday and they are kept her a few days. I think she is coming home tomorrow. Anyway, lots to do. I am apt hunting… hoping to be out and in b early June! We shall see how that goes… God it’s all you!

One of my friends asked me earlier the wk why I don’t date… I feel like I have to explain this a lot. I’m the type of person who like to acquire friends. I don’t like messy break ups or broken relationships… which seems to happen after the dating is over. I don’t know when/if I will date… like the previous post ‘if it ain’t true’… what’s the point in getting all caught up in a relationship if its not real true love. No I know some of you will say that’s how you get to know the other person… by dating and hanging out one on one… and while I semi agree… I would much rather get to know someone in a group setting and become friends first… that way if dating is an option if it does not work out we can hopefully be friends afterwards.

May be I am just saying this bc I am terrified of commitment, marriage is a BIG decision… I don’t know… maybe I will never get married. Maybe he’s out there somewhere… Either way I know now is not the time…. Too much to do… I need to get a little more settled and a little less broken. This has been a really HARD year. But God has pulled through and is still leading me through this jungle of chaos. Maybe I will hit a valley by my birthday… Texas here I come! Now I must leave my quite space and enter back into the madness.

PS – as for true love, I believe true, God love is more than between to people… it’s God’s people lovin’ on each other and the world. I don't think true love should wait i think true love should love now, everyone you can... 1 cor 13 style … but this is a whole other post for a whole other time.

giving it back ;o)

the truth shall set you free

I have been avoiding life lately…. People and things… there were only a few people I would go to and find shelter in their company. The time of year has come when people scatter. As so they had to go, so I withdrew a little more. Desiring to be out amongst people and friends, but scared to death to let anyone see the truth of my brokenness.

I took a step of courage yesterday and decided to go to a bible study I had only been to twice, over a month and a half ago. I went expecting to read the bible and listen to others contemplate its meaning. Instead when I got there, I found that since so few people showed up Justin wanted to have an intimate time sharing and praying, being honest with each other and with God. Everyone was uneasy at first. A few people spoke about some little things and Justin looked at me and asked if I had anything to share.

I took a deep breath and said, ‘well that I a loaded question for me?’ I had given the nutshell version to Justin and Isaac earlier and now was getting into some deeper issues of what had/has been going on with me… and I cried… finally let myself go…in front of these people i have met tiwce in my life...
and I laughed bc that’s what I do when I am in a group of people and don’t want them to feel uncomfortable with me being a wreck… although I think sometimes it makes them more uncomfortable. But it was good to share and let go, I shared and seth, Mallory and Justin gave me a hugs… I love hugs!

I love hugs from people who care. There are a few hugs in the past few months that I look back on and it’s a comforting to think about. You know those hugs you get when you about to break and all that is holding you together is that hug. Hopefully I will have more opportunities to hang out with them, they are a great group of people. We’ll see how life goes… I really need to set goals and prioritize… I was doing well towards the beginning of the year and then my life got rearranged when lizzy died and I just never got back on track. She would not want me to keep putting it off… she would want me to get the most out of life.

So I will…Going to look @ an apt tonight… SO excited! I can not wait to get a place of my own.
time to go... ;o)


i know i am pretty scattered. . . what else is new. :op

~*~ finding JOY in the Dark ~*~

unexpected blessings

I am SO blessed. little blessings are popping out of the most unexplected places. I have a feeling it is always like this, i am just blinded by 'stuff' and do not see it. I really need to make it a continuous practice, not a once a month or once in a while thing, but every day ... multiple times a day step back and realize the brlessings that are all around me.

I am the most selfish person i know. When i tell my friends that they laugh at me, but i know what is goes on in my head and i can be a real jerk. idk. I really want to be more.... i want to love deeper, serve passonatly, spread joy like a wild fire, hope abundanly and have faith as solid as a rock... i want to be so many things i am not. *sigh

i am starting to get really distracted (not hard for me latly)... so i am out for now.