the truth shall set you free

I have been avoiding life lately…. People and things… there were only a few people I would go to and find shelter in their company. The time of year has come when people scatter. As so they had to go, so I withdrew a little more. Desiring to be out amongst people and friends, but scared to death to let anyone see the truth of my brokenness.

I took a step of courage yesterday and decided to go to a bible study I had only been to twice, over a month and a half ago. I went expecting to read the bible and listen to others contemplate its meaning. Instead when I got there, I found that since so few people showed up Justin wanted to have an intimate time sharing and praying, being honest with each other and with God. Everyone was uneasy at first. A few people spoke about some little things and Justin looked at me and asked if I had anything to share.

I took a deep breath and said, ‘well that I a loaded question for me?’ I had given the nutshell version to Justin and Isaac earlier and now was getting into some deeper issues of what had/has been going on with me… and I cried… finally let myself go…in front of these people i have met tiwce in my life...
and I laughed bc that’s what I do when I am in a group of people and don’t want them to feel uncomfortable with me being a wreck… although I think sometimes it makes them more uncomfortable. But it was good to share and let go, I shared and seth, Mallory and Justin gave me a hugs… I love hugs!

I love hugs from people who care. There are a few hugs in the past few months that I look back on and it’s a comforting to think about. You know those hugs you get when you about to break and all that is holding you together is that hug. Hopefully I will have more opportunities to hang out with them, they are a great group of people. We’ll see how life goes… I really need to set goals and prioritize… I was doing well towards the beginning of the year and then my life got rearranged when lizzy died and I just never got back on track. She would not want me to keep putting it off… she would want me to get the most out of life.

So I will…Going to look @ an apt tonight… SO excited! I can not wait to get a place of my own.
time to go... ;o)


i know i am pretty scattered. . . what else is new. :op

~*~ finding JOY in the Dark ~*~