Long day

Today was a really crapy day. i barely got any sleep last night then i got woken up by my sister who woke up 2 hrs b4 i had to be up. then it was one thing after another at work... everything going worng, given work w/o all the information i needed to properly complete it. I got pen ink on my new shirt and i have been feeling really sick lately. I have 2 dr.s appointments next wk, shooting for 3... we'll see. Apparently there could be some thigns going on in me that are genetic, soo not i have to get checked out for all these things. I hate with a deep passion medical tests.

anyway, I started bringing a journal to work with me. So many things go through my head during the day that i can't hold onto bc of all the craziness throughout the day. I have been really distracted lately and lonely. I know i am still young and time to find prince charming, heck mom was 27 when she met and married dad... but it doesn't mean the wait is any easier.

I feel like I'm changing against my will, whether i like it or not. I can't stop what's going on in my head or my heart. I feel a loss of controland i can't seem to get a grip. When I feel overwhelmed or trapped (which has been a lot lately) i just want to run, get away and breathe. I feel like there is a battle ragiung in my head that can neither influence nor win.

I am told this is normal for a person in my circumstances, but i don't want to feel/be this way. it's so depressing. I just want my joy back, my laid back playful side... i want it back, but i can't seem to let go of this hurt. *sigh*

I guess the only thing to do now is look forward and keep chuggin along, looking towards and hoping for a better time. I don't understand life right now, so i just have to trust that God is doing something beyond my view. I am getting tire... 11pm and i am read y to crash... it has really been a long day.

thats all for now.