eye brows = love

i just had a fantastic day.
lots to think about though. i think too much. i need to let go of my thought every once in a while and just enjoy life. I think that thinking is a survival mechanism for me. When i am not sure of my surroundings or and not sure whats next or just not sure of whatever... i think and over think things... to day at fellowship we the speaker talked about how we are created to enjoy life... we are made to have life and have life more abundantly. I worry too much about the future, where i am going to live and where i will get money to pay off this loan that came out of no where, or if i will ever get married and who that may be to if i ever do...
i mean i think too often and too much about why anybody would ever want me... i mean all of me... i am afraid all i will get is they type of guy who tells me he loves me after talking to me once... not knowing my mind or my heart, only his desire to have a wife. I don't want to be someones here and now. I want to be the girl that he can not live with out. I want to be the girl that he can't got a day without thinking about. I want to me the girl that he is totally and completely in love with and devoted to... i fear i may never be that girl. i fear i will always be the rebound girl, 2nd best or 3rd or 4th best... will anybody every truly want me?
i think about the kids i so long to have, or if i will ever be near my family again, and if so do i have a purpose there?

I feel like i am thriving here, not just surviving day by day like i was in pittsburgh. I feel like i have a purpose here, and i feel like i am growing. I am being stretched in ways i could not have comprehended before this adventure. I am sure He has much more to teach me. Sometimes i get painfully lonely and i wonder why. I have the one who loves me best, and yet it does not satisfy me fully. i feel ashamed for that...
so many thoughts...
i am contemplating finishing out my education degree... something i need to look into more. I have been talking to some of the other teachers here, and it sounds like i could take some online classes to get my teaching certificate. I am not sure if it will be elementary ed or just early childhood. I might want to teach high school... throwing the idea around...
I don't need a teaching degree to teach at big apple, but in case i want to travel more and teach elsewhere... who knows...
I am also thinking of nursing, 2 year course @ st. margrets back home and i can be an RN. There is a lot i can do with that too... i have always been interested in first aid, not medicines though... maybe become a wholistic nurse. Travel around the world...
I have also tossed around the idea of being an Au pair/Nanny for families in Italy.

Life seems so up in the air.... 'trust and obey, there is no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.'

oh, your prob wondering what the eye brow thing means...
at fellowship this morning, we were told that we were meant to enjoy life. eye brows were put there to help us enjoy life. they are not a needed thing to survive, also the esophagus sphincter... that is not needed either, just something we were given to enjoy life more....

ok, praising for the amazing things we are blessed with...

i am singing again and Zoryah is teaching me to dance!!!!
I am losing weight! i am still bigger than all the chinese, i don't ever plan to be that thin, i don't have the bone structure for it... but i am doing better. slow and steady, so it will stay off.
not i need to get regular on my workouts...

this is a blog of my ramblings... i need somewhere to put them... sigh
God is SO good.