Speak to me Lord

I went to youth group tonight. I go to hang out with the kids and get ready for divin in this fall. I want to be a leader of some sort for the young people. I want to pass my passion on to the next generation. I want to show them Jesus. I want to show them who they were meant to be. There is so much I want for the younger generation, there is so much i want for older generations.

My fears start to get to me as I sit and watch the teens talking, playing, hanging out.
"You're too passionate... you'll scare them way."
"You'll nevcer fit in here, no one thinks the way you do, no one will understand you."
"You were an odd ball in high school and you're an odd ball now. Don't even try to change things they are already set here. They don't need you. They never did."

These lies and more fill my head and disolve my outgoing side. I sit and talk to those i know, even somewhat vaguely. I wish i have courage, I wish i had strength. I feel like the people there do not see me as a woman who has changed and grown and desires for the world to know Christ, but as a young teen striving to fit in. Part of it would be my fault. I havn't given them reason to believe I have changed. They don't know me, they never have. They don't care to know me... is this true or are these more lies... it is hard for me to tell now... how am i supposed to know.

I think when i return from China I will do as Brandon suggested. I will try other churchs. Althought I am not sure where to start. I currently drive 30 min to church. I can go anywahere in that size radius. Hm... Jess wanted to look for a new church,maybe this is something we can do together, or maybe we shouldn't. This is a BIG prayer request. I will be praying about it from now, til i return from china. Brandon did have a point. If there is a need in another church that i can fill, then I should. I go to a pretty large church now and there are plenty of volenteers. Other churches are not as lucky. I will pray about what to do. That's all i can do now.

Lord,
You are amazing. Only you know the future. Only You know where it is I am needed, where it is You want me to be this fall. I pray that you will guide me to the church, the job, and any other activities you want for me this fall. Lord, I can not thank you enough for the blessings you have poured out into my life. All I want is all you want for me. Show me where to go, where to start.
I love you sweet Jesus